Meat the Chefs

No? What's at Steak? Steak Your Claim? High Steaks? A Lot at Steak?

Anyway. Sorry this is a little delayed, but I had computer problems yesterday and then this stupid thing called work sort of interfered.

This week on Top Chef, the judges FINALLY cut the Sultan of Smarm, the King of Kiss-Ass, the Monarch of Mean-Spiritedness… yes, finally, SPIKE. It was about time he or Lisa went, and it was a close call between the two. I’m not okay with Loser Lisa staying, but I’m more than okay with Spike going.

I can’t believe Loser made it to the final four! It’s a travesty that Dale isn’t there; I wonder if Tom was mad when he heard what the stupid guest judges did last week. I still can’t believe Bourdain was so stupid.

Okay, I won’t go into that again.

This week, the cheftestants had to butcher and grill tomahawk chops for the Quickfire. I missed the beginning of the show, so I don’t know what exactly happened as they prepared for this challenge, but Antonia, Loser, and Spike did well, and Spike actually won. Gag. Anyway, the Elimination Challenge was for each chef to create an appetizer and entrée to be served at Rick Tramonto’s restaurant. (He was the guest judge this week.) They had to use ingredients found in his kitchen and they had, I believe, three hours to prepare their dishes and each had his or her own workstation to prepare their dishes.

Spike’s advantage for winning the Quickfire was to choose his proteins – in five minutes – for each dish (appetizer and entrée), and no one else could use what he chose. So he went into the cooler and poked around and decided to use the tomahawk chops for his entrée and scallops for his appetizer. The scallops were frozen and practically every other chef told the camera they were glad he had chosen them, because they wouldn’t have wanted them anyway. So as usual, bonehead Spike completely wasted his advantage.

The others chose their ingredients and everyone got started. They had to cook dishes for guests at the restaurant as well as judges Rick Tramonto, Padma, Gail, and Tom, and the VIP guests – the winners of the first three seasons of Top Chef: Harold Dieterle, Ilan Hall, and Hung Huynh. What they showed of those previous winners was actually pretty positive; they seemed to be judging dishes fairly and not trying to be overly critical.

What we saw of the comments of the judges as they ate was, as near as I can remember:

Antonia
Appetizer: Warm Mushroom and Artichoke Salad, Poached Egg, Bacon Vinaigrette

Egg poached perfectly, but salad limp (the word soggy may have actually been bandied about)

Entrée: Bone-In Ribeye, Roasted Fennel, & Cipollini Onions, Shallot & Potato Gratin

Very good, well-rounded entrée, perfect for a steakhouse

Loser
Appetizer: Grilled & Chilled Shrimp, Confit Lemon Zest Salad with Baby Tomatoes & Crustini

Shrimp shouldn’t have been chilled, but lemon was great

Entrée: NY Strip Steak, Spicy Apple Caramel Sauce, Peanut Butter Mashed Potatoes

Surprisingly, they liked the mashed potatoes, though it sounds gross (apparently there’s just a hint of peanut butter in them), but the steak was - you guessed it - under-seasoned

Richard
Appetizer: Hamanchi, Crispy Sweetbreads, Radish & Yuzu

Perfect, delicious; Rick Tramonto said he would put it on his menu in a heartbeat.

Entrée: Prime Beef Filet, Potato Puree, Turnips & Red Wine with Pickled Brussels Sprouts

Pretty good, I think; I can’t remember much about what they said here. I know that, at judges' table, Tom said the meat wasn't cooked consistently, but he didn't eat with the other judges in the restaurant, he acted as Expediter for the cheftestants instead.

Spike
Appetizer: Pan Seared Scallops on a Bed of Roasted Hearts of Palm & Oyster Mushrooms

Not good. Scallops not good, hearts of palm apparently didn’t seem fresh either.

Entrée: Tomahawk Chop, Sweet Potato Puree, Blanched Brussels Sprouts & Cipollini

I can’t remember what they said here except that it seemed like he had added honey to the sweet potato puree and it was way too sweet. Well, yeah, I guess if you add something sweet to sweet potatoes, it would be too sweet. Who would do that?? Oh, yeah, Spike.

Stephanie
Appetizer: Veal Sweetbreads with Sweet & Sour Sauce of Golden Raisins & Pine Nuts

Very good; the only negative comment was from one of the past winners of Top Chef (I think Harold, who is so awkward and prissy and kind of mean); he said he would have liked the pine nuts roasted, but otherwise it was great. Everyone agreed it was great.

Entrée: Beef Tenderloin with Salsify Puree, Wild Mushrooms & Apple Sauce

I can’t remember comments except they all liked it.

(I’m sorry, I know I should really tape the thing so I can review it before I write this, but who has the time?!)

Okay, on to judges’ table.

They called all of the chefs in, since they’re down to only five, and began their critique of each cheftestant's dishes. When they told Spike they didn’t like the scallops and he shouldn’t have used them – Tom was really blunt about it, said he shouldn’t have used frozen scallops, period – they said it’s part of the chef’s responsibility to make sure he doesn’t use inferior ingredients, and shouldn’t even accept delivery of something inferior, and Spike shot back, “Well, it was in your walk-in. If it was inferior it shouldn’t have been in your walk-in.” Rick Tramonto said, basically, “Fair enough. I’ll take that, but you have to take this: you shouldn’t have used them.” Spike finally had the sense to shut up. When they were asked to leave so the judges could discuss, Spike went to Rick Tramonto and shook his hand (he’s big on shaking hands, even when he shouldn’t*) and said it was an honor, blah blah, backside smoochy smooch. Ugh.

*When he was sorting his sad scallops, Tom walked up to do his usual pre-challenge chat/mind games and Spike reached out to shake his hand, glove and scallop juice and all, and then went RIGHT BACK to touching the scallops. Doesn't anyone on this show believe in hygiene??

In the storage/stewing room (stewage!), Spike said he had no idea where that comment to Rick Tramonto came from and he couldn’t believe he said it. Well, here's what I think, Spike: you're an asshat, that's where it came from. Either he just lost his temper and blurted it out, or he thought he was going to get cut anyway so he made a comment like that so he could blame his elimination on that rather than poor cooking choices (or just plain poor cooking). I’m not sure he’s clever enough or humble enough for the latter, though, so I’m guessing he just lost his temper. Wow, what a puzzle, what a complicated guy.

Meanwhile, the judges discussed the chefs and it was clear right away that Antonia, Richard, and Stephanie were safe. Finally, sense reigns! They zeroed in on Loser and Spike. And here is the first time that I’ve been disappointed in Padma: she said that Loser “has an amazing palate” but just didn’t move out of her comfort zone or something inane like that, and Tom disagreed. Thank you, Tom! What amazing palate? They’ve said time after time that her food is under-seasoned, and last week she couldn’t tell her dish was too smoky until Dale told her it was and she still couldn’t fix it! (Alas, poor Dale!) Anyway, Padma, what were you thinking? Did you have too much wine with dinner?

Moving on, they called the chefs back in and proceeded to tell Richard that his appetizer was their favorite appetizer and he was safe. Then they told Antonia that her entrée was their favorite entrée and she was safe. Then they told Stephanie that they liked her dishes and she was the WINNER! So those three were all relieved and excited and had to leave the room. (Ha ha – they were asked to by the judges.)

The judges then proceeded to tell Loser she had been on the chopping block FIVE times, and Spike he had been on it SEVEN times. This, of course, begs the question of WHY one of them will be in the final four? And was Dale on the chopping block before last week? If so, it was maybe once. And have either of these losers won an elimination challenge? Okay, yes, Loser has won one; Spike has won ZERO. Dale won TWO. And it’s interesting that their track records suddenly seem to matter, when the judges obviously didn’t care about that last week! Okay, okay, enough about Dale. I wasn’t a fan of his personality, by the way, just his talent. I hate unfairness so his untimely elimination really rankles.

They finally told Spike to pack his knives and go and he took it pretty well. I would have been equally happy with either of them leaving and was really wishing the judges would throw convention to the wind and say BOTH of you pack your knives and skeeeedaddle! Wishful thinking. Ole Moana Lisa is still with us.

Next week: FINALE! I’m assuming Loser will get cut pretty quickly, despite her new manly, yet much more attractive - and apparently washed, hairdo. If she doesn't, I’ll be irate about that for a while. (But at least I’ll have moved on from the Great Dale Debacle of 2008!) Between the other three, it’s anyone’s game. I thought Stephanie was really strong for a while, then Antonia was doing well and Stephanie faltered, and now Stephanie has stepped up, so who knows? I still think Richard should be in the top two (if they go down to two, which I think they do; my memory is almost nonexistent these days), but I would be happy with any one of those three winning.

Scarlett Fever

You know how, usually, when an actor comes out with an album you think, "Vanity project!" with a sniff of disdain and a dismissive shrug? Well, now Scarlett Johansson has come out with an album.













Yeah. TOTAL vanity project.

If you don't believe me, check this out.



Wow.

I'm not sure if she can sing or not, I just know that she doesn't in this song. And what is the video about, exactly? How tiring and depressing it is to be a gorgeous millionaire movie star at the ripe old age of 23?

Let's see... people wanting to know you, wanting to be you, doing your makeup for you, catering to your every whim, even producing an album for you though you clearly can't sing... Rough. And getting engaged to a hunky celebrity who seems like he may actually also be a nice guy... Double whammy. I guess it's tough to be 23 and on top of the world.

She must be depressed because she knows it's all downhill from here.

Pomp and Circumstance

On Thursday, my nephew graduated from high school. Nothing makes you feel older than seeing kids you remember as teeny babies -- remember like it was yesterday, mind -- walking across a stage receiving a diploma. Two years ago it was his sister. Thanks, guys, for really bringing home the message, You're old!

Oh yeah... Congratulations!

(And isn't that a cool picture? He was pretty far away from us, on the football field, and he's looking straight at the camera.)

Friday Funnies

marriedtothesea.com




marriedtothesea.com

Top Whaaaah?

On last night's episode, the chefestants got woken up at 5:45 am by a surprise visit from Tom. Wow, what a fun way to wake up! Not only a strange man's voice saying, "Hey! Wake up!" but a strange man who gets to JUDGE you, gets to decide your FATE for you. Nice. (Not that Tom is a strange man, necessarily; you know what I mean.)

So they straggled down to the kitchen and Tom told them their quickfire challenge was to go to Lou Mitchell's, a very busy Chicago breakfast landmark, to work the short-order egg station. They each had to work it for a set time and the winner would be the person the owner of the restaurant would hire. It was over quickly, we didn't see much of each chef, but it was enough to make me NEVER want to be a short-order cook.

Though a tough decision between Dale and Antonia, Antonia prevailed. Go, Antonia! Whatever, I like her.

The chefs then went to meet Padma for a description of the elimination challenge. Restaurant wars! Antonia's prize for winning the quickfire was to choose her team. She chose her team members from the Wedding Wars challenge, Stephanie and Richard. Well, duh. The only other decent chef is Dale, and working with him seems to be like working with a hungover porcupine. Oh, hell, that's an insult to porcupines. Sorry, little guys.

The teams got busy planning their restaurant themes and menus and buying ingredients and decorations. Team Winner (I'm just assuming) went with Warehouse Kitchen, a gastro-pub theme, and Team Loser (even if they, by some miracle, won the challenge, still... losers) went with a – surprise! – Asian-themed restaurant, Mai Buddha. Tom was absent for this challenge, so he was replaced by da da dum... Anthony Bourdain. Who would totally freak me out. Tom doesn't pull punches, but Bourdain, I don't know, can really put people down. Way down. To China from North America down. Anyway.

Team Antonia (naming each team after its executive chef) moved along at a nice clip, calm, organized, pleasant, professional. Stephanie handled the front because she's opened her own restaurant before; she also created two dishes. I was a little unclear on how she managed this since she was out front, but I don't know how much she did before she had to go out there. Oh yeah, each team got to choose help from past contestants and TA chose Nikki to help them with the pasta.

Team Dale chose Jen to help them. (Poor Mark and Andrew didn't get chosen.) Spike handled the front for their team, presumably so he wouldn't be the one to go down in flames if they ended up losing. I'm so sick of wiliness – wow, that looks wrong but I checked and it's actually right – helping these people move along. It's supposed to be Top Chef, am I right? Not Top Manipulator?

Team Dale had problems from the start. Dale put a rotten avocado in his Halo Halo and had to try to fix it, so he was in a bad mood right away. Then Lisa couldn't get her laksa right, Dale kept telling her it was too smoky, Spike said it was sour (?), and she just couldn't seem to figure out how to correct it. Since she didn't seem able to tell anything was wrong with it until they told her, I don't know why they thought she would be able to fix it. That's it, I'm just calling her Loser from now on. Does she even have taste buds?

Loser was also in charge of a dessert – mango sticky rice – and she couldn't get the rice sticky! Now, I'm no chef but I know that one rice gets sticky while the other doesn't – I think short-grain gets sticky and long-grain doesn't, but don't quote me. I told you I don't cook. But even I at least know there's a difference. And she's supposed to be a CHEF! Ugh, she infuriates me!

Meanwhile, Spike took credit for braised short ribs but, as it turned out later, it was just his recipe and Dale actually cooked them. I think Dale should have gotten credit for them if they turned out well, but I'm not sure he did. Dale also created butterscotch miso scallops with spicy eggplant and pickled long beans for one of the main dishes.

Of course, Dale and Loser spent most of their time in the kitchen arguing and cursing and Spike either avoided them or egged them on, depending on his mood. It was about as pleasant as you would expect.

Finally, dinnertime was over and the judges – substitute head judge Anthony Bourdain, guest judge José Andrés, Ted Allen, and Padma – went back to the judges' table. The results...

Team Antonia won, naturally. Their dishes were well-received by the judges and the other diners. The judges particularly liked the fresh linguine and clams with sausage and horseradish creme fraiche, and the gorgonzola cheesecake with sweet potato puree and concord grape sauce. Both of those dishes were... Stephanie's! So she won the challenge.

I was a little surprised because, like I said, I don't see how she did those dishes if she was out front. Did she prepare them early? Did she just provide the recipes and the others did the actual work? I know Nikki helped with the pasta; did she get credit? Also, Nikki told them there was grit in the clams and Antonia tasted them and said there was, and Richard rinsed them again, so it seems like maybe he actually cooked the dish? I don't know, it wasn't clear to me. It doesn't seem like she should have won if she didn't actually cook them, but I like her okay, so it didn't really bother me.

On to Team Dale, the clear losers in so many ways. Spike again did his best to distance himself from the fray, saying the lack of teamwork was a problem between "those guys." The judges mentioned later that he was smart to do that; maybe, but smart in a sneaky, cunning way, not really intelligent and certainly not honorable or decent. They slammed Dale and Loser for the lack of teamwork, especially Dale as the executive chef, but didn't say anything negative about Spike's uninvolvement – BY DEFINITION a COMPLETE lack of teamwork. I'm so sick of him and his slick smarminess. I can't understand why it works for him.

Predictably, the judges hated the laksa because... all they could taste was smoke. Imagine that. Loser actually stepped up and took the blame for the laksa. Dale said, "I don't know laksa, I trusted these guys" and Spike said, "Well, it wasn't like any laksa I've done," both completely leaving Loser flapping in the breeze. Which was kind of yucky, but it since was her dish, and they tried to tell her how to correct it, it was understandable.

Then Spike wanted to take credit for the braised short ribs and Dale stepped in and said he cooked them, it was just Spike's recipe. I don't blame him, I'd want credit if I'd done the work. Especially with Spike trying to slide out of all responsibility and yet take credit if it looked like the judges were about to say something positive.

Dale took credit for the butterscotch disaster and I think was surprised that the judges hated it. HATED it. Anthony Bourdain and José Andrés absolutely excoriated it. They almost gagged. That's pretty bad, given that Anthony Bourdain will apparently eat just about anything, and like most of it. It was also very interesting because Dale had been doing so well before this serious misstep.

I can't remember what they said about his dessert, the Halo Halo. I know they said something at the dinner table about it being a good idea or interesting or something, but I don't remember if they liked it or just the idea of it.

They also didn't like the mango sticky rice and here Loser tried to shove responsibility off onto Dale by saying he told her what rice to use and it wasn't a rice she was familiar with. He said, "I did not tell you to grab that rice!" Loser looked at Spike to back her up and he just shrugged and said, "I don't know." Way to help the team, Spike ol' buddy ol' pal! Oh well, maybe he really didn't know. And I don't know who was right about the rice issue, but I have to ask WHY would Loser use a rice she wasn't familiar with? That makes her not only a loser but also a dumbass.

So the judges asked them to leave and take their squabbling with them (they didn't actually say that, but they were thinking it). They apparently only considered booting Spike off briefly, though, in my opinion, he deserved it for not taking enough actual CHEF responsibilities. He needs to get called on his chickensh*t scheming ways. Can you tell I'm sick of him? And his straggly almost-there facial shrubbery – no, not even shrubbery, just weedy growth. And his hats. And his icky voice and manner. And his teeth. Ugh. I need to go take a shower now.

There, that's better. Now the real debate – Dale or Loser? The judges were being hard on Dale because he was the executive chef but I think that's a completely specious argument. Here's why. I presume that in a real kitchen, the executive chef has some actual authority. Maybe not to fire employees (unless he also owns the restaurant) but at least to relegate one to chopping onions, if the EC decides the person has offended him. (For simplicity, I'm going with him since I'm mostly talking about Dale here.) Obviously I don't know much about how kitchens actually run (beyond what reading Kitchen Confidential taught me a few years ago), but I'm guessing something like this actually goes on.

Given that, how is the executive chef position in these challenges at all similar? They have no actual power over these people, and they all know it. The judges chastised Dale for not controlling his team and his kitchen, but I ask you, and would love to ask them, how much control can he actually have? He can't fire Loser, he can't even take over her dish, can he? I guess he could have taken it over and tried to fix it and then the judges would have been told that she couldn't even finish a dish and he had to try to salvage it. But then he would sink with her if it still wasn't any good. That's so not fair.

I understand that in a real kitchen, the restaurant is only as good as its weakest dish, so the executive chef has to be sure that everything going out to customers is as good as he thinks it should be, but in that case, he also has much more authority and control over the kitchen. Here the position is largely spurious and just means the chef has put himself on the chopping block. I think they should get some credit for stepping up and trying to take on the thankless extra responsibility, but they don't. They just get slammed for it. I really hate that about this show.

I also think they should take past performance into consideration. Who in real life would get fired for one mistake? I mean, unless you did something actually illegal or cost the company millions of dollars through sheer stupidity. Most of the time you get a little break, especially if you have a good track record.

Well, you can see where this diatribe is heading. They cut Dale. DALE! He was definitely a prickly pear and difficult to work with, but he also had talent. Despite his mistakes this time. So these judges, in all their infinite wisdom, kicked off the only talented chef that the losing team had on it. Way to go, judges! Right on!

It should definitely have been Loser. She should have been kicked off a looong time ago. If I have to hear her whining and complaining past the next episode (unless Spike is the one to go next time), I'm going to cut a ...something. Probably just my palms with my nails. But still. It will hurt and I don't like pain. So, judges, help a loyal viewer out?

I'm so aggravated by this episode. I wonder if the verdict would have been different had Tom been there instead of Bourdain?

Top four should have been Antonia, Dale, Richard, and Stephanie. Top three should now be Antonia, Richard, and Stephanie. Top two should be Antonia and Richard, with Richard FTW. Although it would be nice for a woman to win; Richard, despite his pink shoes, just doesn't qualify.

Oh, Come On

I missed the ANTM finale again last night, so I made Andrew check to see if they were going to air it again. He said he didn't see it if they were, but they are going to rerun the entire cycle soon. So he asked if I wanted to know who won and I said, I guess so. He said, Who do you think didn't win? I said, Whitney. He said, Yeah, she won.

This show is so totally rigged. They just want to seem PC, like they aren't causing anorexia and bulimia and drug abuse and God only knows what else, so they leaped on the first "plus-size" girl who was as close to being as thin as the others as possible without actually slipping out of the plus category.

Well, I'm not upset, I liked Whitney, though she was a little fake. She's pretty and I like that she is normal-sized, though I hate that means she's considered a plus-sized model. I don't mean normal, as in Americans have gotten so fat that now Whitney is considered normal. I mean, Whitney is normal, Americans are generally MUCH fatter than that, and the other girls are like sticks and probably don't eat. Of course, some girls are naturally that thin when they are that young. God knows I was. Well, I don't know; I don't think you could see my entire rib cage from the BACK. *shudder*

I can't recap, obs, since I didn't see it, but I hope to catch it when they rerun this cycle. I probably won't watch the episodes again because I really did find the show -- and Tyra, especially -- to be extra annoying this time around. But I would like to see the finale and how they justified choosing Whitney.

I just checked around and have seen some pictures of Whitney pre-show where she is really thin. There's a rumor going around that someone from the show approached her and told her she'd be on it if she gained 10-20 pounds. So she was a size 4 or 6 and went up to an... 8? Maybe a 10? It's hard to say, since the camera does add pounds. I wonder. It wouldn't surprise me a bit if it was true. Nothing seems honest on this show.

If they were going to go with a plus-sized model, they should have gone with Toccara who was beautiful (and presumably still is) and seemed like a lot of fun. She was really plus-sized; Whitney just seems slightly bigger than the rest.

Boxing Match

I missed ANTM last night -- I know, the FINALE! -- so I can't talk about that. I'm going to try to catch it when they run it on Sunday.

But I did see Top Chef!





Last night they had to create a "sexy" salad (whatever) for the Quickfire Challenge and Spike won. His first win. Maybe the guest judge thought he was cute? Maybe it was actually good; people have really liked some of his dishes throughout the season. Anyway, he didn't get immunity but he did get an advantage for the Elimination Challenge.

For the EC, the cheftestants had to create a hearty, healthy, delicious box lunch for Chicago's finest (police or police academy students or both, I wasn't clear). They had to use something from each of these food groups: protein, grain, vegetable, and fruit. Spike's advantage was an extra ten minutes to shop and what he chose, the others couldn't use. So he deliberately chose chicken, bread, tomato, and lettuce so no one else could use those box lunch staples. I may have to call him Spite from now on. What an ass. The others then got to shop and were much more creative, some because they now had to be, and some because they just are.

They went back to the kitchen and started creating their lunches and it went pretty smoothly except Lisa's brain had apparently stopped working altogether. First she got shrimp -- why, hello, cholesterol! -- and had to be TOLD by Crazy Andrew that it's loaded with cholesterol -- you sneaky little artery-clogger, you! -- so she decided to just use it sparingly. Then, even though she was calling her dish stir-fry, she decided to use brown rice. Okay, whatever, it's "creative." But brown rice takes forever to cook and they only had two hours to prep, cook, package, and store their lunches in coolers to take to the cops. So she did her vegetables and shrimp, then went to check her rice and discovered that someone had turned the flame all the way up! Her brown rice was ruined! SABOTAGE! Everyone else was like, whatever, get over yourself. She decided to hope for the best. (Yes, that always works out well.)

Let's see... Andrew did some sort of weird sushi rolls, using pine nuts and parsnip instead of rice. Spite did an odd chicken salad with olives and grapes, and only used the tomato and lettuce as sort of lame decoration -- kept them from the others and then didn't even really use them! Ass! Lisa did her shrimp "stir-fry." Stephanie did a mushroom, leek, and meatball soup. Antonia did a curried beef and rice dish. Richard did a grilled tuna burrito and was admittedly annoying, asking every cop that came to his table, "The question of the day is: do you like burritos?" I generally like Richard and think he's talented, BUT. Annoying! Dale did yet another Asian dish. Not one to roll the dice, our Dale. But he used bison, which was smart.

The top two judge faves (Chicago's finest didn't get input -- no respect!) were Stephanie and Dale. Guess who won? Yes, of course Dale. At least he didn't lose his temper this week (that we saw, anyway) and so was just his usual sort of surly arrogant self. Sigh. It's almost too bad he's such a good cook.

The bottom three were Spite, Lisa, and Andrew. Even with his advantage and his pettiness, Spite STILL didn't do well. The judges said the chicken salad tasted weird and apparently he spent the whole two hours just doing that. He said, "Well, olives and grapes are sweet and salty, what don't you get about sweet and salty?" Ooh, the nerve! Tom (Colicchio, head judge) just smiled and said, But olives have a flavor, they're not just salty, and that flavor didn't work. Or something like that. SNAP. Good to see karma working a little magic there. Lisa's brown rice was underdone -- ah, the SABOTAGE worked! -- but the judges also called her out for having underdone shrimp (gag) and something else wasn't right, but I can't remember what it was. Andrew's sushi apparently wasn't very good and it wasn't a filling, satisfying lunch.

So, here we go. Andrew and Lisa, both with pretty bad defensive angry attitudes, start defending themselves. Lisa told the judges about the SABOTAGE and the judges basically responded that even if she was a victim of SABOTAGE, it's her responsibility to keep an eye on her dishes. THANK YOU. Besides, she's not so talented that the others would need to resort to SABOTAGE to get rid of her. Tom then said, Well, the shrimp were underdone, too. She had nothing to say to that. Trapped, she threw Andrew to the wolves and said, Well, he didn't follow the rules, he didn't have a grain. Tom basically replied, We know, Lisa. Very adult-to-a-difficult-and-disappointing-child.

Andrew defended himself in a predictably unpredictable, uncomfortable way. Very impassioned speech about how he studied nutrition for years and this was the most healthy dish in the world that he gave those cops and if they didn't like it... They didn't show him actually using curse words in front of the judges but it seemed a near thing. He used them plenty at other times, yelling at Lisa, talking to the camera... Seems to be just the way he speaks. Anyway, he and Lisa got into it and the judges seemed to find it all very distasteful. Well, it was. Two awkward and frankly not very likable people showing their asses... not pleasant. So the judges shooed them away and discussed.

Back in the storage area the cheftestants waited and Andrew and Lisa argued and Andrew finally just stared at Lisa in a completely creepy psychopathic way. I think he is seriously unhinged. The judges called the bottom three back in. They all stood in front of the judges' table like it was a firing line and looked defiant. Padma looked at them sadly and said...

Andrew, please pack your knives and go.

TENSE MOMENT.

Andrew, in a complete surprise move, handled it extremely well, and was gracious and almost charming about it. He asked the judges if he could shake their hands and thanked them for the opportunity. He hugged Spite several times before he left and they were very enthusiastic about each other and hooking up later and staying friends. With benefits?

So exit Crazy Andrew. I still can't believe he took it as well as he did. Good on you, Andrew!

Next week: RESTAURANT WARS. See chefs who have no idea how to actually run a restaurant scurry around like little mice, little angry mice, squeaking at fellow mice to do this FASTER and that BETTER and YOU ARE RUINING OUR CHANCES, YOU STUPID MORON, WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?

MhER Gene

One thing that motherhood has done for me is to ramp up my emotional response to hearing about harm coming to any children, and even animal babies, by about a thousand percent. I've always been sensitive to the vulnerable and more easily moved by their plights -- so children, the elderly, sick, and animals -- healthy adult humans are sort of on their own, in my emotional book. Well, since I had Joe that soft-heartedness has increased wildly. Like a thousand percent.

We've been staying at my parents' house the last few days because with three dogs, it's hard to keep our place clean. And it's an old rental house, so it just never seems clean, you know? Anyway, my parents went out of town so we went over and ensconced ourselves in a nice clean house where Joe could roam around (because he's crawling now, remember?!) and we don't have to worry about him picking up a toy covered with dog hair and putting it in his mouth. Because everything goes in his mouth now.

My parents have a birdhouse that has recently become inhabited by some bluebirds, which we were all very excited about because it's usually hogged by squirrels. So this morning I noticed that the mom and dad birds kept flying up to the birdhouse and then away again and the pine straw was sort of blocking the entrance. So I went outside to see what was going on. I moved a little straw aside and saw something kind of black and odd-looking that I couldn't make sense of at first. Oh yes, you see where this is going. It was a SNAKE. Then I saw its evil little face looking at me. Bastard! I was so angry. So I went inside and starting crying and then made Andrew go out and try to get that damn thing out of there.

Well, he couldn't. It just stayed all curled up, staring at him and flicking its tongue. Oh, I have never hated a snake like I hate that one. Those poor babies! And the poor mama and daddy birds! I just can't stand it.

And I was just talking about how king snakes are beneficial to have around (we had one at our house the other day) and last night I was thinking about how those birds were nice and safe in their little house because it was storming. I JINXED those poor birds!!

Yes, I know it's natural and the circle of life and all that BS. I get it. Nature, she is cruel.

So she should be able to take it when I say that I hate her for it.

I'm going to stop now or I'll start crying again. See, thousand percent increase in saline output.

Mommy's Log

Bunny is crawling! Forward! He took off Monday all of a sudden, right across the room. He went after the telephone, one of his favorite playthings. That would be our telephone, a cordless. He much prefers our telephones and remote controls to any toys we give him. So why do we keep buying toys??

He has also started pulling up, so we really have to watch him now; he'll grab hold of anything and pull. He has also started crying when he doesn't get his way. Believe me, we're trying to nip that nasty little habit in the bud. It's hard sometimes, looking at his cute little face.

This is Reality

* spoilers *

I only saw the last part of the second half of ANTM last night, so I don't really have much to say except that last week Tyra told Whitney to stop being so sexy and then the guest judge this week said that Whitney needed to be sexier! And do you think Tyra stepped up and said, Well, last week she was being too sexy so I told her to bring it down, so that is probably what happened. Um, no. Tyra stepping up? Not gonna happen.

Anyway, they finally, FINALLY, booted Dominique off. Who took it really well, and was actually kind of endearing in her "I'm so great" kind of way. Nice to see a positive attitude, even if it's a little arrogant.

I still say Anya for the win. The only reason Whitney has made it this far, I think, is because she's the smallest plus-size girl they've had. And she is really pretty, though, strangely, that doesn't always seem to carry much weight on ANTM. (Ooh, I just did what I accused the judges of doing last week! Ha! I didn't even realize it.)

I wish they would stop comparing Fatima to Iman; while there is a superficial resemblance, Fatima has nothing on Iman (even though in these pictures Iman is probably twice Fatima's age):















On to Top Chef! Again, if you aren't watching, you should be. Do it, watch it, do it, do it, doitdoitdoitdoit.

This time they had a WEDDING to prepare the food for, and the team that won the Quickfire Challenge got to choose Bride or Groom and they chose the BRIDE. Crazy!

The Quickfire Challenge was the relay race one that is really fun to watch. It was down to the wire, unlike last season, when Casey took three hours to chop an onion. The team that won it was a much stronger team, with Richard, Antonia, Stephanie, and Andrew, but, like I said, it was close. Dale, who is such a prat, pitched a fit about losing, hitting a locker and yelling F**k! Then he had to have his diaper changed. (As Antonia said. Hee!)

So the wedding was fun -- I mean, we didn't see much of the wedding, just the food parts. Which is good, how boring to watch some strangers stand there and say some vows. Ho hum. Get to the food!

The bride's team had to create a wedding cake and none of them are pastry chefs, so... very daunting. Stephanie took it on and it turned out nicely. I mean, it looked nice. Apparently the groom's cake tasted better, but looked much worse.

The bride's team won, and Richard was the winner out of the contestants. He wanted to give the win to Stephanie, since she took on the cake, so they ended up sharing it. I thought that was nice. Very collegial and respectful.

Nikki, on the groom's team, was cut. It wasn't a surprise, she didn't seem like a strong contender anyway.

Next week: Dale loses his temper! Richard wears a pink shirt! Lisa says something negative! Andrew says something bizarre! Spike wears a fedora! Stephanie and Antonia act normal!

You can't wait, can you?

Therapy (with Bob Newhart!)

Just the therapy most people need.

Awwww

Reality Bytes. Bits? Maybe Nibbles.

Here we go again. I know, right? Anyway, I watched ANTM and Top Chef last night (WHY must they be on the same night? At least they're not on at the same time.)

* spoiler alert *

ANTM

Easy to see Katarzyna was going down. Obviously they didn't like her; they couldn't even be bothered to pronounce her name right. So it looks like the winner will be Anya. But who knows? They've kept Dominique around despite her missing tooth. I mean, look at this (from fourfour; Rich Juzwiak does a hilarious recap of ANTM every Monday. You should never, ever miss it.):










They gave Dom a hard time about how she was dressed at judging, like they were surprised. Tyra told her, while giving her her picture which meant she was still-in-the-running-towards-becoming-America's-Next-Top-Model, that she needed to work on it and then said "So it looks like Dominique" (or something like that; I don't have the show memorized or Tivo'd or whatever, I'm working on memory, people, and it's become a nervous, timid little thing lately) and I thought, That's what she's doing now, Tyra! Ugh. This cycle is so annoying.

Whitney isn't going to be around much longer. She keeps landing in the bottom two and they're only keeping her so it looks like they aren't a bunch of fashionatrixes (-trices?) who are disgusted by the fact that she isn't a size 2. Well, Tyra probably likes to keep the plus-size girls around longer so she doesn't look quite so behemoth next to the contestants. (And my point here is that the girls are usually unhealthily skinny, not that Tyra is too big. I think Tyra looks fine.)

And they always make comments that have to do with weight and size when they speak to Whitney, and I'm not sure they're aware of it. It's either sly and mean, or it's unconscious and unbelievably un-self-aware. (Hm. There has to be a better word for that. Oblivious? Stupid?) I wish I could remember (again with the creaking brain machinery) what exactly they said, but it seems like Miss Jay, Nigel, and Tyra all did it. Maybe it's scripted, which means it's sly and mean. Alright, I found a couple of comments and now they seem more unconscious than deliberate. Calling Whitney down, Tyra said, "Last but not least, Whitney." Okay, people say that, it may not have meant anything more than that. And when Nigel was talking to the judges he said, "There's a lot to Whitney." Then he went on to make it seem like he meant personality-wise, but when he said it, Paulina made a face like, Are you talking about her weight, man?

And what is with Tyra trying to pretend like she feels maternal towards these girls? Do you plan to not bother to pronounce your own daughter's name correctly someday, Ty-Ty?

Let's not forget that she chooses the "best picture" that they judge the girls on. Oh, no chance of rigging the competition there, no! Again, ANNOYING, this cycle. But I have to watch it to the cold, grim finale now.

Top Chef

Again, if you aren't watching, YOU SHOULD. And you don't have to be a foodie to enjoy it; as I said, I don't cook, don't like to, and don't even really like to eat more than a few things. It's become a bone of contention between my husband and me: he likes to try new things and likes most of what he tries; I don't like to try anything new and almost never like it when I do. It's a problem. I'd be perfectly happy eating the same four things I know I like, tra-la. Anyway, we struggle on and try new things because I want to make sure we have interesting things for Bunny to eat. Healthy, too. Another struggle.

Okay, this post sort of got away from me for a moment. Back to Top Chef.

So last night they had an interesting challenge -- to make a healthy, tasty meal for a family of four on a budget of $10. I think they get to use staples that are in the kitchen already, so they had only to buy main ingredients (but at Whole Foods, which, you know, a little pricey). Still, challenging. It was fun to see what they came up with. AND they had to cook with kids that are part of the Common Threads, an organization... oh, I'll just let them tell you: The Mission of Common Threads is to educate children on the importance of nutrition and physical well-being, and to foster an appreciation of cultural diversity through cooking.

So, again, fun to watch. Mark got cut (hee, that never gets old)(yes, to me) this time. I was sad to see him go, I liked him, but I wasn't very surprised. His cooking didn't really seem to be of the same caliber as some of the other chefs'.

Nerd Alert

So, all you Battlestar Galacticans out there, what the frak is going on with these cylons? The new ones, I mean. They are all going off the deep end. Of course, some of them were a little loopy before, but now... Everyone's going to find out soon they're cylons because they are freaking out. Not cool, guys. The woman is really digging being a cylon, it seems; what's up with that? And what is with the heavy-handed religious imagery (mostly the Last Supper-esque commercial)? This show is confusing. But I do enjoy watching it. Maybe it would be less confusing if I'd watched it from the beginning.

If there are any Dr. Who fans out there, Whovians or Whosits or whatever they are called as a group (I made up Whosits and I'm liking it!), WHAT IS UP WITH ROSE?? Why won't they just let her have a nice little life in the other dimension where she can't mess up the Doctor? Ugh, I can't stand her. I didn't have any feelings about Billie Piper one way or the other when I started watching Dr. Who when they recently resurrected it, but I became a non-fan pretty quickly. Well, I don't know anything else about her, so that isn't fair. I don't like the character Rose. I think partly because she seems so... low-class, for want of a better word. I know that sounds snobby, but I just don't think she's good enough for the Doctor and they've made him out to be in love with her. Yuk. I really fink it's mostly her accent, it is sumfin' else. Do NOT like that f's instead of th's thing. Fing. Thing. Oh my hell. Anyway, bring back Martha already! I like her. But Donna is okay, she's funny, so I like her, too.

Mommy's Log

My poor baby has either bad allergies or yet another cold. He is stuffy and cranky. Well, for him; he's still pretty good-natured, just a little more clingy and apt to fuss. I don't blame him, I'm much more irritable than that when I'm sick. Oh, much. Much, much.

Otherwise, he's fine and adorable and handsome and all that rot. He's getting much more mobile now, though he still doesn't quite crawl or walk. When he's on his hands and knees, he pushes himself backwards more often than not, which doesn't please him. He stands really well but only takes sort-of steps so far.

We think any day now he'll at least be crawling, then Katie bar the door! And the cabinets, and the toilet seat, and the dog bowls, and...

America's Next Top...

...Witch, apparently. Tyra is not playing so nice this cycle (or they've decided not to edit it out). Last week she said that she was "trying to say something nice" about Stacy Ann and this week she couldn't be bothered to pronounce Katarzyna's name correctly. Didn't even try! So, so rude.

* Spoiler Alert *

Gonna talk about the show. First of all, WHY do they try to make these girls speak a foreign language? They have so little prep time. I think it's unfair and frankly stupid. Like that's real life. There's no way a company is going to have its product's success or failure riding on some ditzy model's ability to speak their language without even any preparation. Ridiculous and not even entertaining.

And the decision of who was going home wasn't even climactic. Lauren not only did a horrible, horrible job of the commercial, but she gave up. She looked like she was about to cry through most of it, which was painful to watch and not at all entertaining or amusing. I just felt sorry for her. There was really no choice of who should leave, given her performance.

I'm still amazed that Fatima is still there after the whole "travel papers" imbroglio. Not because she "forgot" to get her papers -- that whole situation was obviously staged by the producers to create some tension and drama (otherwise sorely lacking this cycle) (oh, and it didn't work) -- but because she missed the photo shoot. Of course, if the producers set the appointment for her at the same time as the photo shoot, then there's really no way -- ethically, at least -- they could have kicked her off for it. LAME, the whole situation.

Dominique is ridiculous, she looks like an old drag queen. Fatima usually looks ashy and weird, though occasionally she surprises me. Whitney is never going to win because they will never let a plus-sized girl win. They've been going out of their way lately to point out how phoney she is (really, Tyra?), obviously paving the way to booting her off. Anya looks like an albino Celine Dion so I'm stunned she's made it this far (and they keep saying how much she "looks like a model" -- they know better than I do, of course, but... really? I didn't know models were so homely. Maybe they're referring to the visible ribs. Even from the back. Urk.). I think Katarzyna should win but they keep going on about how she has no personality (apparently they have nothing else to complain about, which means SHE SHOULD WIN). I think they are the final two, though I'm sure it's foreordained based on some complicated formula of Political Correctness, Appearance Of.

The show is really transparently formulaic this cycle. The Plus-Sized Girl, the Old Girl, the Tomboy, the Exotic Girl, the Stupid Girl, the Foreign Girl, the Mean Girl, the Crazy Girl. Some of them overlap, and some are interchangeable, but all the slots are filled.

And Tyra, who I used to like, has really gotten on my nerves this cycle. She has never seemed so fake or arrogant or downright b*tchy as this cycle. Maybe she should leave the show.

Sigh. I just like the photography, dammit.

Top Chef

Second post in one day, yeah! I'm feelin' it, dawg.

So those of you who watch Top Chef can read this; the rest of you should watch it. I don't like to cook, or really even eat more than about five things, but it's still fun to watch.

This week they kicked off Ryan, which sort of surprised me. I really thought Nikki or Mark would go. I guess they edit it that way to throw viewers off. From what I've seen (and granted we don't see everything, re comment directly preceding), Nikki should go. It seems like she doesn't ever do very well. I know people who cook better than she seems to, and she's a chef? Hmm. I like Mark, so I was glad he didn't go, but his station was a mess and besides the fact that it's gross to taste your chowder or whatever and then use the SAME SPOON to dish it out for others to eat, who would be stupid enough to do that IN FRONT OF THE JUDGES?! Well, Mark would. Sigh.

That's still not as gross as Howie from Season 3 who sweat like a maniac and DRIPPED ALL OVER HIS FOOD. They never said a word to him, apparently, and that frankly grosses me out more than a little bit of Mark's saliva. I say they must not have said anything to him at all because he never started wearing a hat or sweatband when he cooked. GROSS. I was so glad when he left, just so I didn't have to watch his sweat dripping into the food OTHER PEOPLE WERE ABOUT TO EAT anymore. Just the memory gags me.

I think Antonia and Stephanie are doing really well; I hope they continue to do so. It would be great if a woman were to win. It seems like the chef's world is dominated by men, so to have a woman win seems like a step forward. I think Jennifer and Lisa are pretty good but don't seem as strong.

I hope they kick Spike and Andrew off soon. Spike because of his attitude (though it doesn't seem as bad as it once did, editing again?) and Andrew because he's just weird. Not in a fun, interesting, entertaining way, but rather in an uncomfortable he-might-just-stab-you-with-a-fork way. He seems to be a pretty good chef, though, from comments he gets. I don't care for Dale's attitude, either, especially the gangsta affectations, but he also seems to be talented. Richard, of course, is a strong competitor and I expect him to be in the top three.

I was sad to see Manuel kicked off because he seems like such a nice guy. The others who have been kicked off I'm not too upset about. I don't even remember Nimma so I may have missed an early episode. I thought Zoi had a pretty bad attitude so I didn't mind her packing her knives and cutting out. Hee.

The strongest contenders that I see so far for the top three are Richard, Stephanie, and either Dale or Antonia. Of course, it only takes one bad dish for someone to get the boot, so you never know. And that's what makes it fun to watch.

Rampant Consumerism

But we NEED stuff, y'all!

I am pondering the purchase of some fairly big-ticket items. One thing we need is a new camera. The one we have now has no image stabilization at all; the slightest tremor and the picture is all blurry and worthless. I'd LOVE LOVE LOVE a DSLR, but we can't really afford one right now, so I'm trying to decide between point and shoots. Some of them are really close to DSLRs but they are also expensive, just not quite an arm or a leg. A couple of fingers, maybe a toe. I can spare a toe.

If anyone has any advice about digital cameras, come on with it! We really want to be able to chronicle the Life and Times of Baby Bunny and have the pictures actually look like him.

I am also trying to choose a stroller for Bunny. This has really turned into a super long-drawn-out research project. It would help if we lived anywhere near a place that sold strollers, well, except Wal-Mart, of course, bless your heart. They don't exactly have a large selection, you know. Anyway, then we could see which ones we like and which ones Bunny seems comfortable in.

There are certain things I'd like it to have: a decent canopy; a seat with some movement that goes from almost straight up-and-down (Bunny usually likes to sit up straight; he wants to SEE, by God) to some sort of recline; an adjustable foot rest; a window in the canopy so I can reassure myself that Bunny is FINE, my God, CALM DOWN, LADY, without stopping and running around in front of the stroller like a nitwit; durability; portability; and, of course, no recalls on it. One model I looked at came with bug netting, isn't that cool? I think so, for down here where they are out of control and possibly going to simply carry us all away one day, to wherever marauding insects would carry humans. Ugh, stopping there, imagery not at all pleasant or even amusing.

I've been wavering between just getting a cheapie umbrella stroller and getting a step up (not a whole-hog sort of rolling condo, though, please). We're planning a vacation in August and I think I'll want to get something Bunny will be more comfortable in than just a little bitty umbrella stroller. So any advice on a stroller would be much appreciated.

The Moment You've All Been Waiting For...

Rock of Love 2 Winner is.... Ambre!

Wait, what? Bret chose AMBRE? Over the stripper?! Hmm. I have misjudged something here. RoL is nothing if not formulaic, so I guess they went with the Deep formula over the Obvious one. My oops.

(And I did not actually see the episode with all the South of the Border hijinx, I looked it up because I was curious. Now I kind of want to see the ep. Sigh.)

Childhood Dreams

You may have heard of this already; it seems like I heard the tail end of something about this on NPR maybe, not too long ago, but my memory is... let's say uncertain, these days. Anyway, I read about it on Wonderland today:

In September of 2006, Randy Pausch, a professor of computer sciences at Carnegie Mellon University, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Pancreatic cancer is, plainly speaking, the worst kind to get: survival rates are extremely low, and the end usually comes within months of diagnosis. So when Professor Pausch was told in the summer of 2007 that the cancer had spread and he had only a few months to live, he elected to step down from his position to spend more time with his family. But before he did, there was time for one last lecture.

Alice Bradley's article is entitled What lessons do you want to leave your children? so it's about more than Professor Pausch, but it stems from his lecture and his worldview. Here are links to a video of his lecture, and to his book. The video is a little over an hour long, but it's worth watching.

I can't think about what lessons I want to leave Bunny, it will only make me cry right now, but it is something I'll be pondering. What could be more important than what lessons I want to teach Bunny, what I think will be important for his life, both while I'm here and when I'm gone?

Rock of Laughs

I finally watched part of an episode of Rock of Love, because so many people I know watch it that I finally caved. I had to see why seemingly intelligent people were tuning in. From what I saw, it must be the train wreck effect. A horrible, unbelieveable mess, hard to watch, yet oddly riveting.

This was an episode of Rock of Love 2, and it was down to the final three. One decent-looking girl, Destiney, one older-looking one, Ambre, and one complete skank-a-rama, Daisy. They were waiting in their flimsy little outfits for the verdict. The tension!! Bret came down the hall followed closely by his general factotum/bodyguard. The girls (that's what Bret calls them, and it's his show, after all, so I'm going with it) were all on edge. Oh, who will get kicked off and lose her shot at fame? I mean love!

They had reason to worry. Ambre turned out to be 37 but had LIED TO BRET and said she was 31! Destiney couldn't wholeheartedly say she was in love with Bret! Daisy, apparently, didn't have anything to worry about except being the least attractive. Oh wait, that's to me. So that didn't matter.

Bret approached the girls and told them how hard this decision would be, yada yada. He asked if there was anything they would like to say. (Oh, this isn't scripted or anything, NO.) Skank Daisy completely ratted out Destiney and said that when they asked her if she was in love with Bret, she said no, and Skanksy further alleged that if it was anyone else's show, Destiney would be there anyway. Only she made her tattle-tale argument much less coherently. (To give her a break, I'm sure it's hard to think with all that silicone and collagen or Restylane and whatnot surging through your body (or sitting there very stiffly and yet naturally and attractively) and false eyelashes and possibly sequins weighing your eyelids down.)

Bret looked at Destiney as if he was very disappointed in her. "But Dad!" she said. "I mean Bret! I care for you very deeply, I just can't say I'm in love with you yet. I'm not like..." Well, she sort of implied disdain for the other two, I think, but maybe I'm giving her too much credit. Bret "deliberated" and then called Destiney down. She knew what her fate was, Destiney did, and she took it very well. Bret hugged her and told her how much her father had meant to him and that he was sorry, whatever, and he walked her out and cried. He came back in, wiping his eyes in a very manly way, and told the other two -- who are, of course, deeply in love with him, and crying like idiots -- that he wasn't a crier (this may have been one of the only honest things anyone said in the whole show), blah blah, and that they needed to pack their bags for CANCUN!! Whoo!

(Ed. note- With the amount of money he ought to have and how popular this show is, I'd be expecting Cabo at least, but whateves. Cancun it is!)

I'm going to go out on a limb here and predict that he will choose the stripper over Oldy McLiar. (If Rock of Love 2 is already over and everyone already knows which one he chose, SORRY. I have no idea when RoL airs! You know how shows are on all the time nowadays, it's tricky.)

Oh yeah, and I think BM (heh) has a lot of nerve kicking off Destiney ostensibly because she wasn't in love with him. When he was on Ellen (yes, I saw a clip), she asked if he fell in love or not, and he said he'll fall in love when the ratings tank. He tried to play it off like he was just kidding, but please. I hope no one believes these reality shows about love are about anything other than being on TV and making money.

And Bret, no one is fooled by the bandanas and hats or the pictures of you with the long flowing locks. We know we'll see you on Hair Club for Men commercials when Rock of Love FINALLY PLEASE GOD SOON dies its inevitable trashy, sweaty, and slightly sticky death.

(We are also not fooled by the Rock of Love in your pants, Mr. Stuffy McSock.)













On a side note, has anyone else noticed how much ole Stuffy looks like the love child of Michael Keaton and Yoda these days? (It's more obvious on the show. Look and you'll see it.)












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Heeeee!

Who would have thought LiLo had a sense a humor about herself? Go here to see.

Wacky drummer of a Korean band steals the show.

This is hilarious. And probably what Jeff Goldblum will sound like in 20-25 years.

-----

THIS JUST IN: Bunny is still adorable.

He's not as congested as he was, and his fourth tooth is out, so he's feeling better all around, thank goodness.

He clapped yesterday! It's the first time he really got the idea of bringing his hands together (not just toys), and he did it several times, and mimicked us doing it. (For those of you who aren't parents, that right there's a developmental milestone.) That was fun! He also was fascinated with my shirt (a blue tee shirt) and laughed and pulled on it, and then pulled on the neck and REACHED INSIDE. He was like, Hey, I remember those! Anyway, it was hilarious. He was in such a good mood, laughing at almost anything we did. He's such a little dream.

As for me, I am about to start a regimen of allergy medications that could probably take down an elephant, so wish me luck with that. I have some sort of respiratory something disorder something, not just allergies, not quite asthma, but all of the related problems lumped together, so I'll be swallowing pills, inhaling aerosols, and spraying mist up my nose every day for the next little while. FUN. But I'm so tired of coughing all the time, I'd try almost anything at this point.

Très Horrible!

One of Joss Whedon's new projects, "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog," stars Neil Patrick Harris, Nathan Fillion, and Felicia Day. It's a musical web short, coming soon, though I'm not sure exactly when. For more information, check out Whedonesque. You know me, I tend to like everything Joss, but Neil Patrick Harris as Dr. Horrible? A SINGING Dr. Horrible? Who doesn't want to see that?!

Awwwww

Have you ever seen a baby kangaroo? If not, go here. Adorable!

Twofer!

The last day of the month, but you get TWO posts. Whoo!

Hallelujah

Last day of March, suckas!! I am so glad. And very proud of myself for managing to post every day except one! I'm still mad at myself for that one, but there's nothing I can do about it now. I guess I'll try NaBloPoMo again some other month, but not for a while. It's difficult when you work full-time and have a baby. ANYWAY.

Last night -- or rather VERY EARLY this morning -- I was changing Bunny's diaper. So he was lying on a changing mat on our bed (changing tables are for namby-pambies who care if their backs develop permanent kinks from hunching over to change a million diapers; you know who you are) and I had put a washcloth over his, um, personals, in case he decided to wee, which is pretty common. Something about the breeze, maybe? As I was wiping his little bottom (it was just a wet diaper), I realized he did, in fact, wet the washcloth. With much self-congratulation for not only putting the washcloth there but keeping it there as I cleaned him, I proceeded to put a new diaper on, humming a merry tune. Okay, that's going too far, there's no way I'm humming at 4 am, but you get the idea. As I'm putting the new diaper on, I realized the mat under him was damp. No, wet. Oh no.

I moved Bunny over, thinking, What the...? Okay, I guess he wee'd quite a bit and it ran over a little. Oh, but no. NO. As I moved him, I realized (yes, this was quite a night for realizations) that the side and back of his little pajama shirt was SOPPING WET.

I asked Andrew (who was also up, because why should one be up without the other? No, really, he got up to take the dogs out) to move the mat and see if the bed was wet. And lo, it was much sodden. Well, there was a wet spot on the coverlet and both sheets.

Apparently, Bunny quite fortuitously had a powerfully full bladder when I decided to change his diaper and when he felt the cool breeze wafting around his little joystick, he yielded to sweet temptation and enjoyed life to the fullest.

Well, why not?

Les Miserables

Well, Bunny's fourth tooth is coming in, you can see it now. My poor baby has been sick and cutting two teeth at the same time. Miserable? No, not at all, why do you ask?

He has been remarkably good-natured throughout, it amazes me. I hope he keeps this outlook on life as he grows up. It will make for a happier life for him.

Cruisin'

My parents are planning a cruise later this year and, since they've never gone on a cruise before, they would appreciate advice. So if you have any to give, please let me know! It can be which line is best or worst, any good or bad experiences you had (directly related to the cruise), what ships are best, what areas are best (they're planning Caribbean), how much cash they should take along (if any), if they can take bottled water along, anything at all.

Things I've Learned

Things I've Learned Since Becoming a Mother:

1. Baby teeth are sharp!
2. Baby food is like glue.
3. Baby food is also invisible until you're ready to go somewhere, then hey presto! There it is in the eyebrows, behind the left ear, in the wrist crease...
4. Baby drool is a force of nature; think Niagra Falls, only stickier.
5. Babies are amazingly strong, especially when pitted against my hair.
6. Once baby food is started, poop diapers achieve a level of stinkatiousness that can make a grown man shy like a frightened horse.
7. I'm equally dreading (see "stinkatiousness" above) and anxiously awaiting the start of "grown-up" food.
8. The weight of responsibility for another human being can be overwhelming, even paralyzing.
9. Nothing prepared me for this, or could have.
10. There is absolutely nothing better than having this new little person in my life.

The Many Fugs to 16

One of the sites I really enjoy, Go Fug Yourself, is currently running a competition in the manner of March Madness. They're calling it Fug Madness and they have brackets of celebrities going head to head to see whose fug reigns supreme. Meaning who dresses the worst. And, believe me, there is some stiff competition out there!

So, I am following along and voting on who I think is the worst of the worst, and maybe you should, too. I'm hoping for a final match between Juliette Lewis and Bai Ling or maybe Posh and Chloe Sevigny. I really think Bai Ling has an awesome shot at the title, but who knows what's going to happen.

Besides Fug Madness, they are continuing their usual practice of pointing out the unfortunate -- sometimes calamitous -- fashion paths some celebrities take, apparently willingly, so if you aren't interested in the competition, you can still have a laugh.

Go check it out for yourself.

Hello, McFly!

Funny video by Tom Wilson, best known as Biff from the Back to the Future movies. He was also a coach on Freaks and Geeks, and has done tons of other stuff. I totally lifted this from Fussy, but whatever, it's funny!

Why Can't We All Just Get Along?!

I think this is great, but on YouTube someone said they think the animals are drugged. I don't think so and I certainly hope not.

Happy Easter, Happy Spring

I am stuffed after eating our traditional Easter meal of barbecued ribs. YUM. I also may have partaken of a little chocolate cake.


Bunny (!) was adorable at church in his little navy blazer, with khakis, white button-down, and yellow and navy striped tie. He was a hit! He looked like the world's smallest frat boy. (But a cute one.)


Anyway, happy Easter to those of you who celebrate it, and happy Spring to those who don't. Here's a bunny for you either way:

Sunshine and Ducks and Toys, Oh My!

Today we took a trip to a quaint small town, to take Bunny to see the river and the ducks and go to a nice toy store there. It was fun and Bunny was a dream. He's so well-behaved. He just looked at the people, and the ducks, and the water, and the toys, and whatever else he could see. And he charmed everyone we came near. We are so lucky!

Life

I miss…

• Jacques Cousteau.
  
• Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom. (I just saw that this is back!)
  
• The Wonderful World of Disney. (The Disney Channel is not the same.)
  
• the Carol Burnett Show.
  
• Choco-Lite candy bar.
  
• my Big Wheel.
  
• running around outside, doing… I don’t know. A little of this, a lot of that.
  
• playing.
  
• life being wild with possibility.
  

But there are certainly compensations. Now, my life may not be as wild with possibility as it was, but I have a clearer idea of what I want to do with it. And, most importantly, it is absolutely riotous with possibility for my son.

Here's Peeping at You

In honor of the season, some Peeping fun:

Peep Show










Peeps At the Library

Scientific Studies of the Peep

Funny

I had a video by Demetri Martin interpreting the song Selfish Jean by Travis posted here but I was having trouble with it, so if you're a fan of Demetri, Travis, or funny stuff, click here to see it!

Get Me a Prescription Pad, STAT

As I was telling a friend of mine yesterday, the highest reading we got for Bunny's temperature was 101.4° (rectal -- and wasn't that fun!), but we ran off to the emergency room because: (a) we are new parents, (b) his temperature was going UP despite Tylenol, and (c) we are new parents.

He was REALLY hot all over the other night but we didn't take his temperature because he was already crying and Andrew thought he was not as hot as Thursday night, so we gave him medicine and some time to see if he would cool off and he did. Whew. WHEW.

Andrew took him to the doctor yesterday who said he thinks it's roseola, which is what I thought it might be. Who needs doctors when you have a good book?!? Well, okay, they hold the keys to the medicine so I do need them for that. But the conflicting information we got -- alternate Tylenol and Motrin every two hours; alternate but not as frequently; don't alternate at all -- makes me really nervous and even less trusting of the medical profession than I was before.

So, zero?

Top O' the Mornin' to Ye!

An Irish joke for you:

Paddy was shaving when he knocked the mirror off the shelf. It fell to the floor and cracked across the middle. Paddy gazed down in horror. 'Bejabbers, I've cut my throat,' he gasped.

Fun information about St. Patrick's Day here, here, and here.

On the Upswing

After waking up at 2am to find Bunny burning up -- I mean, his whole head, his hands, his neck, his back, his armpits, his stomach, just as hot as could be -- he now seems to be sleeping well and is cool to the touch. Cool, people! He was due for more Motrin at 8:30 this morning and felt cool then. !!! He hasn't felt cool when due for medicine (or even after it, necessarily) since Thursday! We gave him the Motrin anyway, in case his ear or tooth was bothering him.

Oh, how wonderful to feel a nice cool forehead! I never imagined something like that could bring so much plain, unadulterated joy.

Dose by Dose

Poor Bunny is still really sick, running a fever, stuffed up, cutting a tooth, and now with the added misery of gutty-whats in a turmoil from the antiobiotic. We just take it medicine dose to medicine dose, and I'm hanging on to the hope that by this time next week he'll be feeling all better and sporting a shiny new tooth!

Still Sick

Well, we had to take Bunny to the emergency room last night. He's been congested and yesterday really couldn't breathe at all, and then he was running a fever. We gave him some Tylenol, but after about an hour his temperature had gone up instead of down, so we got worried and took him in.

Of course after we got there, they gave him some Motrin and by the time we got called back (two hours later), he had started feeling cooler and had finally fallen asleep. He was up for most of the wait. (This was in the middle of the night.) Then when we finally saw the doctor, she poked and prodded and he cried and then a nurse gave him a shot and he screamed and cried. It was heartbreaking, just inconsolable cries. My poor baby. Anyway, now he has medicine and it seems to help though he is still feverish and out of sorts today. So, send us thoughts, prayers, dollars, whatever. (Just kidding about the dollars. Send hugs and kisses.)

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Go here. Now. Go.

Quiz Show

31%

So, friends, odds are it's not me gnawing your leg.

You Are: 60% Dog, 40% Cat

You are a nice blend of cat and dog. You're playful but not too needy. And you're friendly but careful. And while you have your moody moments, you're too happy to stay upset for long.

Are You More Cat or Dog?

One instance where I don't mind being referred to as mostly dog.

You Are From Mercury

You are talkative, clever, and knowledgeable - and it shows. You probably never leave home without your cell phone! You're witty, expressive, and aware of everything going on around you. You love learning, playing, and taking in all of what life has to offer. Be careful not to talk your friends' ears off, and temper your need to know everything.

What Planet Are You From?

Hmm, I'm not sure how accurate this one is. I do like to know everything, that's true.

Five Things I Hate About DST

I'm anti-Daylight Savings Time. I used to like it but now am completely against it. I can't imagine getting a child -- someday, my child -- to come in from playing so he can eat supper/do homework/get ready for bed WHILE IT'S STILL LIGHT OUTSIDE.

It doesn't even save energy, which is what it was intended to to. And Congress in all its wisdom has EXTENDED it. That's about right.

Okay, so here's the list, five things I hate about DST:

1. It's dark in the morning.
2. It stays light way too late; it throws me all off.
3. Losing an hour (though I admit I like gaining the hour in the fall).
4. It doesn't save energy/money.
5. Congress keeps fiddling with it so my computer would not change over even when I manually re-set the clock; it kept changing back.

Cold Season

I have a cold and it is not fun. I can't breathe and I have a headache; it's as if my head is truly stuffed to capacity. It wouldn't be so bad if colds didn't linger so long with me.

The worst part of it is that I think I caught it from Bunny. My poor baby! I have no idea how he got it; we hardly take him anywhere and wash our hands and all of his things constantly. He is still so good-natured, though. We are really lucky with that. I just hate to hear him struggling to breathe. We've been using the humidifier and saline nasal drops and the aspirator, but it all only helps so much. I can't wait for him to feel better!

Vacation

We're planning a trip to Asheville, North Carolina, in the fall. If anyone has suggestions of places to stay or eat, or things to do (besides the obvious), please let me know!

I Don't Like Those Hermit Crabs

Fun with Internet Explorer

Okay, I was trying to do a meme a friend sent me (thanks for that, Amanda!) and Internet Explorer "encountered a problem" and shut me down! Ugh. I don't have time to re-do it now, so I may get around to it later.

Mea Culpa

Well, I'm out already, as I was afraid I would be. Being at the conference, with no easy access to a computer, I completely forgot to post yesterday until it was too late (the hotel business room, whatever they called it, closed at 5 pm). I'm going to try to post the rest of the month anyway.

Now on to ze lists.

Things I did not like about attending this conference:
1. Not many interesting sessions.
2. Staying in a hotel room -- I always feel like they're dirty. And this one was; not disgusting, but not really what I call clean, either.
3. Being away from my baby!!

Things I liked about attending this conference:
1. Catching up with old friends and prior co-workers. Serious awesomeness.
2. Hearing authors speak about their works. Donald Crews and William Joyce, both fabulous.
3. Um...

Off We Go

Today I have to go to a conference, so tomorrow I may or may not be able to blog. You'd think I could have foreseen this and not signed up for NaBloPoMo in March, but... well, you'd be wrong.

I'll just post an update about Bunny. He's still growing like a weed, sits up fine, stands with you bracing him, because the little dickens is so used to being held or sitting in his Jumperoo that he doesn't hold on! He just assumes he's being held up. So that is something we'll have to work on. We have to get him a new crib because the hand-me-down we're using won't let us drop the mattress any, some of the little pieces that hold the mattress for the lower settings are broken. So until we get that, he can't try to stand in his crib. But we're about to order it! We're planning to get the Da Vinci Kalani in Cherry. PLEASE tell me if you know anything negative about this crib!!!

Well, here I reluctantly go to my conference. I'm going to miss my baby!

Lists!

Things that bug me:

• People who don’t use their turn signals. A little warning before you go haring across my lane to get to the Dairy Queen would be nice, bumblewit!
  
  
• People who go the same speed side-by-side on a highway. The left lane is called the passing lane for a reason, slowpoke, move over already!
  
  
• People who pull out right in front of me and then go 5 miles an hour. What happened to the emergency that caused you to pull out RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME two seconds ago?!

(Sense a theme? I could go on, but I’ll move into non-vehicular peeves now.)

• Competitive parents. Yes, it’s amazing that little Johnny is only 8 months old and has already written a novel. I’m sure Harvard will care. I do not.
  
  
• People who block exits/aisles. Hello, you are not the only person in the world! Move on or move over! Grrr.
  
  
• The misuse of its and it’s. Its is possessive, like “The rose has lost its petals.” It’s is a contraction, like “It’s a nice day today.” It’s easy to tell them apart: when you see the apostrophe, just think “it is” and you won’t be confused anymore!
  
  
• How everyone says everything sucks all the time. Find another word, people!
  
  
• How I say everything sucks all the time.
  

So I’m not just a Negative Nellie, here are some things I like:

(Skipping the obvious, like the way my son smells and how soft his tiny hands are and his laugh and his long eyelashes and his tiny teeth and… )

• When all the lights turn green just as I come up to them.
  
  
• When I don’t think I’ve got something that I’m really craving and Eureka! There’s one left!
  
  
• When a good song I haven’t heard in ages comes on the radio.
  
  
• When I get the scissors at the right angle and just slide them up and they cut like a dream. I especially love this because I can’t cut straight to save my life if I think about it.
  
  
• Free shipping.
  
  
• This picture:

Two Days in a Row!

I’m going to try NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) again, as you can see. I don’t know why. I have a conference to go to on the 4th and I'm not sure I'll even have access to a computer! Argh! Oh well, I’m going to make an attempt.

The theme for March being lists helps, though I'll post full-scale ramblings if I have time and thoughts.

Reasons for me to participate in NaBloPoMo:
1. It's good practice.
2. It's a challenge.
3. I get to type NaBloPoMo.

Reasons for me to not participate in NaBloPoMo:
1. It's anxiety-provoking.
2. March may not have been the best month to choose, see above.
3. I'm not sure anyone wants to see 31 straights posts from me!

Okay, Here We Go

Here's a little video to start the month:

People Get Ready

Mommy's Log

I forget that sometimes people check this blog to see what's going on in our lives. Der. Anyway, here's a quick update.

Bunny is still wonderful and fabulous and perfect and all that jazz. He sits up really well, only falling over occasionally, and stands really well if he's held. He babbles a lot and knows some words, like his name, passy (pacifier), bottle, Mommy, Daddy, and the girls' names (the dogs).

The other night I was feeding him (he was in his high chair) and Andrew stood a little behind him and said his name. And he turned to Andrew. (We were testing his hearing because the nurse-practitioner at his last doctor's visit poked him with the ear thing and poor Bunny cried. We're seeing the doctor from now on, thank you very much.) Then Andrew decided to make sure he knows his name and wasn't just looking at him because he heard him speak, so he waited a few moments then said, "Molly." Bunny looked down at the floor! Because he knows that's where the girls are. He did it for Sassy, too, but not Penny, for some reason. Possibly because he thinks her name is "No, Penny!"

Let's see... he eats pretty well, though he doesn't much care for green vegetables. He loves the yellow/orange ones and likes fruits pretty well. He doesn't really like our food yet, I think because he isn't used to the texture. We've tried banana scrapings (okay) and mashed potatoes (okay at first, then a gag) and smashed peas (gag gag gag). It's an adventure for all of us!

He LOVES his Jumperoo! He liked his ExerSaucer but oh, the Jumperoo. He jumps and jumps and then stops, poised on his little tippy-toes. Then off he goes again. It is so dang cute.

He's a fan of American Idol, too. We had it on last night and he watched it for a little while. He got bored when they weren't singing. He loves singing, even his mother's.

That's all for now. I'll post more if I think of anything else.