That Thomas Magic

Saturday, I was in our bedroom arranging books and Bunny was sitting on the floor by me, looking at his books. (Why, yes, we do like to read, why do you ask?) The TV was on in the living room, but was not very loud. Suddenly Bunny stood up and started talking emphatically. Of course I had no idea what he was saying. He pointed and spoke some more. I said, "What do you want?" and started trying to guess. Exasperated, Bunny took off for the living room (oh! he was pointing at the door!) so I followed him. He stopped and pointed at the TV, where Thomas the Tank Engine was starting. Following a few more emphatic hand gestures and words, he settled in to watch the episode (well, if you can call less than ten minutes an episode).









Not only was it funny because he was so emphatic and I was so clueless, but it was also impressive. That boy has good hearing! I did not hear the Thomas intro music at all. Of course, my hearing is not what it used to be...

Happy New Year

Happy 2009!

The Christmas cards are still going out, but I have to get more stamps at the Post Office. Sorry! Oh well, it will seem like the holidays are still going on, right?

It's Beginning to Look... Oh Wait...

I can't believe it's almost Christmas!!

We just bought a new artificial tree this weekend and put it up, still no decorations on it. At least there are lights! I did get our stockings hung and some decorations put up and some presents wrapped...

Christmas cards will be late but they are COMING SOON.

More Snow Pics

Here is a picture of Bunny and me in the snow. Well, kind of. By this time the snow had mostly turned to rain, so we had to stay under a roof.

Let It Snow!

Yes, we got SNOW in Baton Rouge last week! It accumulated so we ended up with around 3 inches on the ground. It was beautiful. Here are some pictures making the rounds (not my own):

State Capitol



















Memorial Tower at LSU



















Tiger Stadium














Mike

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

So we've been a little busy lately.

1. We bought a house.
2. We moved.
3. I started a new job.

Very stressful, all of it! We are glad to be mostly settled in, and we like the house, though I am not happy about the commute. The job is going well so far, though two days is not really a good test. I'll keep you posted about that.

I've gotten most of my Christmas shopping done, because I did a lot of it before the move, but I still have a little to go. *sigh*

Life, she is difficult.

Royale with Cheesy

They finally got rid of Elina the Superior, who still didn't shine despite being in almighty Europe. Did you notice how much she resembled Julia Styles this week?

It's ridiculous that they didn't get rid of Marjorie who is a major pain in the backside. I can't imagine being patient with her in real life, but maybe I would feel sorry for her. Her insecurities are really crippling. Which is why it is a mystery that she's still there. She only made it to TWO go-sees and neither one would book her! And her pictures weren't that great. The others should feel pretty confident about next week unless they really screw something up, because TYRA. Marjorie needs to go home now.

Go Librarians!

U.S. News & World Report selected librarianship as one of the best careers for 2008. BOO-YAH! (Okay, so I'm a little late. I had other things on my mind!)

Here are a couple of articles about librarianship:

You Might Be a Librarian If...

"You go on vacation and visit other libraries" -- Yep, actually did that.

"You can kick everyone's butt at Scrabble" -- Yeah, IN YOUR FACE, uh... people! Who won't play Scrabble with me anymore!


Pros & Cons of Librarianship

"You can make up whatever you want and people will believe you just because you're a librarian." -- Hahahahahaha!

"Get to spend two hours designing a sign that says the library will be closed for the holidays." -- Awww, yeah.

But then again...

"People kind of expect you to know things." -- Ah, but see the first Pro above.

"If you know enough about how to find information to be a good librarian, you can definitely make more money doing something else." -- Ooh, low blow. But generally true.


The articles have more to them, of course. Read them. Then go arrange your DVDs alphabetically by genre.

Trust me, you'll feel better.

Oh Bummer

Big news, huh? I am SO BUMMED. I really didn't think this would happen; I would have bet money on it. I'm just glad I didn't. AND I had to learn about it after the fact, from a blog, because I missed it when it aired.

I can't believe they kicked Sheena off! Grrr! What? ANTM, of course; what are you talking about?

I just knew she would win! Gah! Thanks, Tyra. Thanks a lot. Now I have to re-figure out the crazy inner workings of your show, and, frankly, it isn't worth it. So henceforth I shall just empty my brain while I watch and alternately enjoy/get really irritated by the display then go about my business la la la.

I'm sorry I missed their first show in Amsterdam, but from what I read, it was pretty boring anyway. Now they are down to Sam the Tomboy, Elina the European, Annaleigh the Cute, Marjorie the Twitch, and McKey the Crooked. So, I guess... Elina or McKey? Oh hell, I don't know. And it doesn't matter. I mean, not that it ever does, but the ones left are either really annoying or really boring or both, so I just don't even really care.

That being said, I'll watch it tonight. Or, rather, tape it and watch it tomorrow.

Oops!

One of Bunny's favorite things to play with is the phone. Ours, of course; why would he play with a toy one? Anyway, the other day we gave him the cordless to keep him from repeatedly rolling over and trying to crawl away while getting his diaper changed. As Andrew was wrapping up the diaper change, we heard a loud knock on the back porch door. The dogs went crazy barking and I looked out the window of the kitchen door, expecting to see my parents. Nooo, it was a policeman, looking very official and kind of frightening. I mean, I knew I hadn't done anything wrong, certainly nothing criminal, but there's just something about officialdom that sends my ever-present low-grade guilt from normal simmer to anxious rolling boil.

Anyway, we struggled to corral the dogs and I slipped out. The policeman (btw, doesn't that seem like a funny title, like something a child made up? Like I should be a librarywoman?) told me that he was there because they received a HANG-UP 911 CALL. Oh yes, he did. I was puzzled for a split second then remembered my darling boy and his favorite toy. "Oh! We gave the phone to our son to play with, and I guess... hahaha... sorry about that."

Andrew and Bunny had come out by this time so the officer asked us if we were the only people living there, took our driver's licenses, and called them in to whomever they call -- headquarters, the dispatcher, the FBI, the Parental Bunglers Hotline -- and when we got the all-clear, he said it was no big deal when we apologized profusely and he left. He was in a pretty good mood. Well, I guess so -- the hang-up 911 turned out not to be a dangerous domestic call or anything even remotely dangerous by any stretch of the imagination, unless you count damage to your eardrums from all the dog barking going on, plus he got a funny story to tell.

That's my Bunny, keeping life interesting for all nearby adults since 2007!

Here We Go Again

Andrew and Bunny and I are moving back (well, it'll be the first time for the Bun) to Baton Rouge in November. A month or two ago, I applied for a job at the State Library because we had considered the possibility of moving back down there so Andrew could finish his degree more quickly and also, you know, find a job. Not too many opportunities here. I got an interview but didn't really expect to be offered the position when... I was! After much discussion, we decided to go ahead and make the move.

So! We have been busy looking for a house (we think we'll close on one soon, so wish us luck!), packing things up, getting ready for a garage sale, all that fun stuff. It has all been -- and continues to be -- very anxiety-producing, but I'm trying to take it a step at a time and remain positive.

Feel free to send as many good thoughts our way as you'd like.

Projects and Models

I hate to say it but Project Runway's finale was pretty boring. They booted Jerrell, which really surprised me. His stuff wasn't my favorite, but the judges always seemed to really like it. I harbor a sneaking suspicion that they just wanted a woman to win (I think all the past winners have been men) so they took Jerrell right out of the equation. I hope not. Okay, I just checked and a woman won Season 2. I must have missed that season because she doesn't even look familiar. Anyway, that makes me feel a little less suspicious, but it still seems like they were thinking it was time for a woman to win again.

Of the three (women) who showed at Fashion Week, I actually liked Korto's line the best, which I knew doomed it, because whatever I like the judges usually hate, presumably because it's not ugly enough. Whatever, Leanne's line was okay, I was over the wave thing after the first two outfits, but apparently the judges liked it. Or just hated it the least.

ANTM is making less sense than usual to me. I'm sticking with Sheena as the winner because I still say they are going to want to have an ethnic girl win because last cycle's winner was a blond white girl. Of course, she was a plus-sized model, which maybe negates the whole ethnicity thing? And Marjorie and Elina are European, so maybe that qualifies as ethnic to Tyra. I don't know. Like Tyra said, you think you know ANTM, but you. don't. know. ANTM. I think she actually said the whole title, but eh. Too much to type.

They are too into Annaleigh lately, which usually means she will not win. In the last episode, where they did commercial spots for Cover Girl, Annaleigh was totally a combination of Fiona Apple and Meg Ryan. She suddenly morphed into this little Meg Ryan, Jr. that was honestly adorable. Yo. Despite the freaky close-close-CLOSE close-up shot at the beginning. The director's big claims to fame were Nike and Converse commercials, which had me wondering how this made him qualified to do a make-up commercial (because, um, a shoe and a face are not the same thing). But that is the wild, wacky world of ANTM. As with the making of sausage and law, it's better not to know the inner workings of Tyra's mind.

Tyra thought Annaleigh's commercial was so good, she said it knocked her out, or something, and she fell over onto Nigel's "sexy shoulder." Jeez Louise, it is sexy, sure, Tyra, but what about the big head attached? His ego is soon going to need a table of its own. Don't make it worse.

This was also the episode where they announce where they are taking the girls who continue on in the hopes of becoming America's Next Top Twat, er, Model. So they make a big deal of where they're going and everyone's all WHOO Amsterdam! Then Tyra gets a stern face and says 'Of course ONE of you is not going to Amsterdam. Because you SUU-UUCK!' Wow, thanks for the total buzzkill, is this actually America's Next Top Sadistic Witch?

So, after Marjorie barely stumbled through her commercial because of her freaking nerves, I'm so sick of her NERVES, they kicked off Joslyn! Who did admittedly turn in a fakey-fake commercial, but at least it was amusing and light-hearted and showed she has showmanship if nothing else -- especially since just before this she had been puking into a garbage can -- and it wasn't a sad exhibition of I'm-just-going-to-say-the-lines-really-fast-so-I-can-get-this-over-with like Marjorie's. I don't get it. Why would Tyra go out of her way to get rid of the one remaining black girl? Especially when hers wasn't the worst performance?

Maybe it's because of the tension between Sheena/Sam (America!) and Elina/Marjorie (Europe!) -- they think it keeps the show interesting? Note to Tyra: Dear Ty-Ty, It doesn't. They are all lame and uninteresting. Love, Me

Anyway, the mystery is still alive at ANTM. I really don't know America's. Next. Top. Model. Tyra, you minx!

My Reality

I didn't get to see ANTM this week; I had Mom tape it but when I tried to play it back it kept jumping from SLP to LP. I have no idea why or how to fix it so I didn't watch it. Oddly enough, it stopped jumping on Project Runway which was on immediately after ANTM. Maybe the CW was causing the trouble.

Anyway, I saw that Clark got barred! (Okay, I stole that, I admit it. The whole Clark Bar thing. It's funny.) It's about time. They may make a chunky girl a top model but they are not going to make a lipless freak a top model. Not on my watch.

Ha! As if it matters anyway. I noticed that one of Whitney's My Life as a Pretend Cover Girl spots had her BAKING AND EATING CUPCAKES. As if they would ever pretend that any typical stick figure model even eats, much less cupcakes! Or knows how to use a spoon, much less an oven! Oh whatever, I can't even get worked up about this, it's so stupid.

Project Runway was pretty fun to watch. The contestants had to make evening gowns based on nature as they found it in the New York Botanical Gardens (which, y'all, beautiful, really gorgeous). The dresses were okay, I didn't really like any of them. Kenley showed her a** again and everyone, including the judges, commented on her attitude. All three of the other contestants were hatin' on Kenley, poor thing. I mean, her attitude hasn't been great, and I may have been just like them if I were there, but watching her sit by herself when they were obviously talking about her just made me feel sorry for her.

Anyway, the judges couldn't decide who should go and I was all like, let all four stay! Because I think they've all been pretty good. And lo, Lesli spoke and they saw that it was good. My idea, that is. But only three can compete at Bryant Park for some reason -- like Heidi Klum couldn't change that if she wanted? Really? -- so they all have to make complete collections only to have one told they are out RIGHT BEFORE FASHION WEEK STARTS. That totally sucks, but I guess the designers love creating a whole collection even if they get booted and it was a second chance for either Korto or Kenley (the bottom two), so they were pleased by that. As was I, of course.

So, for next week... Will Kenley have a better attitude when she comes back? Will Korto's booty be just as big? (Y'all, it's tremendous. Not that there's anything wrong with that -- it's almost majestic.) Will Leanne still be slumping around with limp hair and sad bangs? Will I have figured out what actor I think Jerrell most resembles? Stay tuned!

Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall. The Salon Wall, That Is.

Well, ANTM gets sillier by the episode, which I didn't think was possible. The whole princess party/Miss Jay as the wicked witch/Mr. Jay as Prince Charming/Tyra "acting"... awkward. Awk-waard! Tyra has an odd way of presenting herself to the contestants -- one minute she's the best friend, then she's the den mother, then she's the show-off friend, then she's the judge/executioner. If I were one of the contestants, I would dread the day Tyra showed up in the living room.

Anyway, the photo shoot was fun to watch because the photographer was Russell James, who (whom?) I really like and would love to work with in another lifetime when I'm a photographer. I don't know what happened to his reality show, The Shot, because I really enjoyed it -- hello, I watch ANTM for the photography! So I guess it didn't get the ratings. Damn you, American Public!

Anyway again, the show otherwise was extremely anticlimactic for the makeover show. The only one who was upset was Elina, and I don't blame her. They weaved in this fuzzy sort of red poodle on her head. That dog was barking! Okay, I don't know what that means, but it was ugly. She got over being upset about it pretty well and lied lied LIED to the photographer and supermodel/bathing suit designer at the photo shoot and said she loves it, because she's not a complete idiot. Except for her pash on Clark, the snouted wonder. Most of the makeovers were pretty tame except they gave Clark dark brown, almost black, hair, and honestly, the only thing going for her before was her blondness. She has a look that we had a very non-PC colloquialism for when I was growing up; I can't say what it is because I may offend people, but I can hint that it has something to do with where the person looks like they live. Like her real name is Sharlena or Bambi or Brittnee or Rylee or Reba Garthetta or maybe even Sharlena Rylee Garthetta. Let's just say I don't think she's attractive and move on.

Most of the other girls ended up looking better.

Brittany, who (whom?) I should just rename Bitchany, seems to think she knows everything and has the right to set up inquisitions and judge the other contestants. See that superior look? That isn't a pose. All of the other girls let her get away with it, so I guess they have Only Themselves to Blame, but... me no likee her. She was grilling Elina because Elina said she hates her mom, and was all, Does she pay the rent? Does she buy groceries? Like that's proof of a good mother. That's the bare minimum of what should be expected of someone who BROUGHT YOU INTO THE WORLD. I wish Elina had stood up to her better, she just said You should know my mom. I mean, Duh, Bitchany, do you know her mom? Do you know what her life has been like? Her mom could manage to put a roof over Elina's head and get her the minimum amount of food necessary for survival and still be a horrible person. (Of course, Elina could be an ungrateful brat, but my point is that Brittany didn't KNOW and was handing out judgments like the Recording Angel or something. Just like she wanted to rake Hannah over the coals for racism, when Hannah hadn't displayed any racism at all! Well, at least not that we saw. Well, not yet. That we saw. Anyhoodle, I would have pushed Isis away from me in the hot tub, too, not because of racism or any kind of -ism other than I don't like people I don't know very well drifting into me in a hot tub-ism. That was rude, if you ask me. And I think Lauren Brie pushed, too, but Hannah got all the blame. And who's whiter than Lauren Brie? She's named after cheese!)







But guess what? Sometimes life is good and justice is served. Brittany, aka Bitchany, aka The Pretty Girl, got the AX. Or AXE, if you prefer. Yes! Every once in a while they get one right and it makes me happy. Honestly, I didn't think she was the worst model and I don't think she had the worst picture (hello, Clark!) but she was by far the most annoying one, so good riddance. As she was leaving she said she was too bright a star to just fade away, which may or may not be true, I can't say; what I can say is that I'm just happy she'll be shining her little superior know-it-all light elsewhere from now on.

Oh! We got to see Nigel's wife! She does exist! She's some sort of CoverGirl spokesperson and maybe model? I don't know. She's pretty, that's for sure, but I still think Nigel wanders. I mean, come on.

So. Some of the girls seem like fun, like Joslyn, Samantha, and Sheena. The others seem mostly boring, but maybe they've just been edited that way. I still say the winner will be ethnic, but it won't be Isis. Tyra will keep her around long enough to impress us all with her broad-mindedness and then BOOT. Besides, Russell James didn't know she was transgendered and said he didn't think she had the facial structure for modeling. So I think she's there more for Tyra than for her.

What am I saying? Aren't they all??!!

PS - As much as I hate Mr. Jay's hair -- it looks like someone spilled baby powder on it and he only had time to brush it half out and then just said To hell with it -- I still think he's good-looking. Why do so many people seem to think he's gross? And he's been much more likable the last few cycles, I think. Less orange, less strange, less hyper and mean and kiss-ass. I still don't see why Miss Jay gets to judge and Mr. Jay doesn't, but Tyra didn't ask me what I thought. If she had, this show would be a LOT different. And honestly, probably a lot less fun.

America's Next Top... Dude? Stick Figure? Small Mammal?

So on ANTM this week, it was the usual. Charges of racism, girls freaking out, drama, drama, DRAMA. And yet boring.

The photo shoot was kind of fun to watch, and I won't make fun of any of them on that rope ladder in long dresses and high heels because I'd probably still be hanging there if I had to do it. "Jay?... um, Mr. Jay?" [sound of crickets]

Anyway, I have to talk about some of the contestants because it is what I do.

This is the first cycle in a while that has NO PLUS-SIZED GIRL. Oh, but it wasn't rigged last cycle, not at all. Instead, this cycle has a transgendered contestant and an unemployed girl and a girl who is apparently French? (I missed where she was from, partly because I can't hear her when she speaks and forget lip-reading because she tends to hide her face in her hunched-up shoulders. If you are really that shy and insecure, what possessed you to try out for a modeling competition???) and a vegan lesbian with a vaguely Middle European look. Yes? No? Whatever. She apparently has a little crush on Clark and I cannot figure out why. Clark has a SNOUT. It's a relatively pretty snout, sure, but still... snout. SNOUT. Wow, that word is beginning to lose all meaning. So, here you go... proof:








Okay, maybe that picture doesn't really prove my point, but it is all I could find. I am not as techno-savvy as I'd like to be, and I can't afford all them dadgum gadgets anyhow. You're just going to have to watch the show and see for yourself (soon! I don't know how long she'll last!). You'll see; she is snout-licious.

I think Isis is there primarily as yet another way for Tyra to seem open-minded and warm and fuzzy, but DAMN is he, urgh, sorry, she secure! I mean, I don't think she's the sharpest knife in the drawer (and maybe that helps keep your skin thick -- if you can't understand the insult, you can't feel it) but anyway, she seems pretty secure and focused. I admire that. And she's taken pretty good pictures so far.

Hannah, on the other hand, poor thing. She's from ALASKA, in case you haven't heard her say that about a hundred times already. But she is from a small town and is only 18, so maybe she's as gosh-darn innocent and vulnerable as she seems. I do know that if those tough inner-city girls were ganging up on my daughter, I'd be heading straight for Tyra, nails drawn. I'm not saying she hasn't made some mistakes that have maybe hurt some of the other girls' feelings (though they don't seem hurt so much as relishing the chance to take down a vulnerable lil ole white girl), but seeing her cry made me feel for her parents. That's all. Well, that and I know she's going to go through all that for nothing, at least as far as the competition goes. I don't think she'll last very long. But hey, maybe some personal growth!

They kicked off Nikeysha last night, and I'm not sorry to see her go. I just didn't think much of her modeling potential. Tyra asked her what she eats and she didn't really answer. Um, what was the point of that, Tyra? "Girl, are you anorexic? Get off my show!" Whatever, it's not like they really care, see oh, almost all of the girls that have ever been on this show, except the plus girls, of course. But it was disturbing to me that in her photograph Nikeysha was wearing a bangle bracelet -- designed to fit on your forearm -- on her upper arm. I'm sure that is not uncommon in the modeling world but yurk. When your elbow is bigger than your bicep, it's time to EAT A SANDWICH. Damn.

Anyway, as much as I figured that the show is rigged as far as Tyra having planned which type of girl she wants to win before the cycle even begins, I now think that she has decided which girl will win before it even begins (filming, at least) and they manipulate everything around that. Which is more disappointing to me than knowing they have decided which type they want. So, anyway, this cycle winner won't be a blond white girl, and probably won't even be a white girl. Sorry, Lauren Brie, Samantha, Clark, Marjorie, Annaleigh, McKey, Hannah, and Elina, this cycle gone be 'bout flava.

While I don't like Sheena's hood-speak or fake boobs, I do like her. So far. I think she's got a decent shot at it if she can stop hoochie-ing it up and get some class. At least the little bit that is required for ANTM. (And although I am anti-fake boobs unless it's reconstruction, she has a rockin' figure. I wonder what she looked like pre-surgery. Probably pretty rockin'. Ah well. Girls today.)

Joslyn, who is the Louisiana girl (holla!), is unemployed and has a tendency to use a strange high-pitched voice à la Chris Tucker (kind of; and I can't decide if she can help it or not), but she seems like fun. If she will get off the racist thing with Hannah. (I think they all need to just calm down. Besides, I think Hannah pushed Isis because she's a dude-but-not-really, not because she's black.) Anyway, Joslyn tried out for ANTM thirty times. Yes, that's right, 30. No wonder she's unemployed! Trying to get on ANTM was her job. I wonder if they accepted her just to get rid of her, you know? But she has taken some surprisingly good pictures.

All right, that's all for now. I'm too busy worrying about Hurricane Ike to think about this anymore.

Mother Nature is a Tricky Mother

Well, Gustav came through and fortunately only brushed by us, bringing wind and rain but not much terror. We stayed at my parents' because their house is much sturdier than our rental, and they of course lost power for about 12 hours while ours apparently STAYED ON, but whatever, I can't see the future.

So, completely looking the gift horse that is Gustav NOT picking up the house and depositing us we-knew-not-where in the mouth for a moment, I'm griped because we took a boatload of stuff over there in case a tornado peeled off the roof of our house like the seal inside a new jar of peanut butter (YUM) and instead of being able to unpack, do laundry, pick up tree limbs and debris, maybe even EAT LUNCH, I (unexpectedly) had to come to work! So I'm sitting at my desk twiddling my thumbs. Metaphorically, of course. Not being sure what constitutes actual twiddling, my thumbs are completely innocent. They wanted you to know that.

Anyway, we are okay and I really am thankful for that. Thanks to those of you who checked on us!

Drag Race!

Last night's episode of Project Runway had a really fun premise -- the designers were to create a look for their clients, who were all drag queens. Fun, right? Drama, outrageousness, maybe a catfight or two, no? NO. It was mostly a yawn. Chris March came in to explain the challenge to them and introduce the clients, and then he walked around and commented on their designs with Tim, but we didn't really get to see him much. And I like Chris! And did he get to be the guest judge? NO. It has to be someone famous, so of course it was RuPaul. Who was actually thoughtful and funny, so okay, but I still missed my Chris. And I insist that he was robbed of being fan favorite last season. That little fierce Christian slip of a dude, come on; must have been the gay vote.

ANYWAY. The episode was pretty good, some funny moments, and it was pretty interesting to see what each designer came up with. One funny moment was Tim telling Suede to stand his ground about his design and telling his client... and here Tim censored himself, and it was funny because, well, it's Tim. He doesn't curse. Not on Project Runway, anyway. So he was like, "You just have to say, 'You'll just have to *gesture (not obscene)* deal with it, sister' -- and I am more in love with Tim than ever. That's probably not what he said, but it was something similar in spirit and vague form, at least. I'm working from memory, people!

Also, Suede had a difficult queen who asked him if he made gloves because he was too lazy to make sleeves (answer: uh, no), so he talked to him the next day and said I considered your suggestions, and I made a few changes but I don't want you to go out there and... whatever, as I said, I'm working from memory and I don't remember exactly what Suede said, but it was refreshing that he was direct and handled it in a mature and decent way and his client was all, Oh, honey, let's just drop all that and start fresh! And everything was great and they sang a song and danced a little jig.

Okay, disappointingly there was no song and no jig, but they did make up and everything was great and Go Suede! For once someone on a reality show handled something in a direct and adult way. Oh, but he did sort of defuse the drama element, didn't he? Hm. Well, that's okay, that's not my favorite kind of drama anyway. I was looking for it in the outfits. And they DID disappoint.

Here were the best, in the judges' opinions:

Third best:

Second best:

Best!

I have to agree with them. And one of the funniest things about the episode, to me, was that the winner was the straight guy!

Go Greek! Or not.

When I first went to college, I went through Rush, against my inclination. After getting through all the (fake) parties and (phony) hoo-ha, they told us all not to go suicide (choosing only one sorority instead of three in order of preference) because if you don't get that choice, then you won't be in a sorority at all. (Horrors!)

I was too young and unsure to go with my gut instinct to only put one (because I only really wanted that one), so on the day of the big REVEAL (I don't remember what they actually called that day) I toddled up to the student union with all the other young hopefuls to find out who wanted me. (This was in the days before the computer, y'all. We had to actually go up to the building and look at a PAPER on a WALL. Old school, yo.)

I got my second choice. Which I didn't want. So there I was, surrounded by squealing, excited, screaming, happy, and did I mention squealing? girls, absolutely gutted. I went home, disappointed, embarrassed, angry, and humiliated. You know, if I'd gone suicide, I would have gotten a call the night before the big results day and could have just stayed home and nursed my humiliation in private.

So thanks for that awesome experience, Greek system at LSU! You rock! No wait, remove r-o and insert s-u. That's it.

Pwoject Wunway

Have you noticed that Heidi seems to be making more effort to pronounce her r's this season? It's a shame, really, because I loved it when she said Bwuefwy. It's endearing. I mean, look at her.


















And that's after having three children! So, you know, it's nice to see something a little less than perfect. Or hear, rather.

Anyway, about the actual show... I missed the first episode, but I've watched the last two, and... Suede? It's annoying enough that he calls himself Suede, but the fact that he LITERALLY CALLS HIMSELF SUEDE is cringe-inducing. Referring to yourself in the third person is so... eighties. And it was pretentious and stupid then. Suede needs to get some other shtick because this one is old and tired. Okay, Suede? Can Suede do that?

And Blayne... Why did he stare at Kenley and then say "I'm going to eat you" (or whatever strange thing he said)? The boy's not right.

Ugh, and the whole Holla atcha boy thing... Blayne trying to get Tim to say it (though Tim, hilariously, persisted in saying "Holler at your boy") then giggling because it was so incongruent, as if Tim looked silly... No, dear idiot, Tim rarely, if ever, looks silly. You, on the other hand...

I adore Tim. I love how he stopped and said, "What?" when Blank (Blayne) said Holla atcha boy and they had to explain it to Tim, and really, to me, it served to make the slang-throwers look like the illiterate nitwits they are, and yet Tim didn't intend to insult them or anything, he just managed to (in my opinion). In the nicest way possible. He's just so darn NICE. PR will tank if Tim ever leaves it.

In an aside, did anyone else notice how fabulous he looked walking around New York with the drove of designers? He was wearing jeans (I think) with a raincoat and still looked stylish. It didn't hurt that the designers were given ugly orange rain ponchos to wear so by comparison I might have even managed to look pretty good, but he looked good even before that. Man knows how to dress, is what I'm saying.

And the designers should ALWAYS listen to him. When he comes around to check on them and gives them his opinion and advice, he's usually spot on. When they persist in their little ideas after he's shaken his head at it in his I'm-so-sorry-but-that-just-doesn't-cut-it way, they always get negative reviews from the judges. Usually about whatever it was that Tim didn't like.

As for the show structure, what is with the plethora of celebrity judges? I think PR is popular enough without them and they don't bring anything to the show. And the other judges apparently don't listen to them anyway. I mean, in the last episode, Sandra Bernhardt obviously didn't like Kenley's dress but it won anyway. I think Leanne was robbed, her dress was MUCH better. It totally benefitted from not looking like Alexis Carrington's dress just exploded on one side, or got so sick of itself that it vomited tulle.

Sorry about that.

But look.

Vomitous...



















Not-vomitous...



















I think Kenley's dress was well-made, but I didn't get it. Mostly because the print and the style (high neckline, big shoulders) are so 80's and I detest 80's "fashion." It's odd when you consider that Kenley defines her aesthetic as 40's-50's. I'd say she missed that mark by a country mile with this dress.

I do love how she has created a look for herself; she looks like Bettie Page. Except, you know, dressed.

Cosmoslutitan

I just flipped through a Cosmopolitan while eating lunch, since I finished my last book and don't have a replacement yet. It is COMPLETE trash. Even more than it was when I was in college.

The cover alone is filled (and I mean filled, there's barely a wedge of space for Scarlett Johansson, though there's of course room for her cleavage) with the following blurbs:

Cosmo's Big, Juicy SEX POLL: 30,570 Dudes Tell What They're Dying for You to Do in Bed

8 New Love Truths You Must Learn

Sexy Eyes: Just Try This Trick, p. 200

How Dirty Is His Mind? Filthy, to Be Exact. You'll Be Shocked... and Intrigued

Why Men Cheat in August

SEX EXTRAS: Naughty Games (Tear Out for Tonight), Hilarious Bedroom Bloopers

Oh, yeah, and Scarlett is going to tell us all What She Learned About Love--and Monogamy

Um, she's 23. Twenty-three. Yes, this is who I want to get relationship advice from -- someone who is barely able to legally buy a drink AND doesn't live in the real world by any stretch of the imagination.

Oh, and those are all the blurbs. There isn't one that isn't sex-related. Well, it is THE HOT ISSUE, so I shouldn't be surprised. But seriously... why guys cheat in August? Is it really different from why they cheat in February or October or May? I'm guessing it's not. But let's look. Oh, see, the article title is Why Guys Cheat in the Summer. Okay, it's just saying they are more likely to be unfaithful during warm-weather months. Which is all year down here, so... too bad, Southern ladies! Get used to it!

And I don't think I'm going to be intrigued by some loser's filthiest fantasies, but to be fair... turning to page 172... Okay, this is mostly guys talking about how they want to be able to please their girlfriends and not worry about this or that... Not filthy at all. Hm. Now I AM intrigued.

When looking up these articles, I noticed the Table of Contents had some articles -- well, the hot ones -- thoughtfully labeled with little Hot icons, just in case I'm too stupid to decide if an article is Hot or not. Oh, well, I guess for faithful readers...

Even all of this did nothing to prepare me for the guy without his shirt feature. It implores me to Check Out This Month's Half-Naked Hunk. Huh? What magazine is this? Is this aimed at women?

Very strange. If this is what Helen Gurley Brown thinks is feminism, it leaves me cold. And confused. Is emulating men's worst traits the way to gain equality? I don't think so. I've always thought she had an odd idea of feminism, anyway. In the past, Cosmo included the occasional article encouraging women to take charge of their own sexuality, but most of the articles were -- and are -- still about How to Please Your Man; they're just worded a little differently.

But I'm afraid I'm in the minority on this. I think I'll go buy a cane and practice brandishing it, so I'll be ready when all the noisemongering little hooligans start throwing their new-fangled contraptions -- like Frisbees (outlandish word!) -- on my lawn.