Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Rock of Laughs

I finally watched part of an episode of Rock of Love, because so many people I know watch it that I finally caved. I had to see why seemingly intelligent people were tuning in. From what I saw, it must be the train wreck effect. A horrible, unbelieveable mess, hard to watch, yet oddly riveting.

This was an episode of Rock of Love 2, and it was down to the final three. One decent-looking girl, Destiney, one older-looking one, Ambre, and one complete skank-a-rama, Daisy. They were waiting in their flimsy little outfits for the verdict. The tension!! Bret came down the hall followed closely by his general factotum/bodyguard. The girls (that's what Bret calls them, and it's his show, after all, so I'm going with it) were all on edge. Oh, who will get kicked off and lose her shot at fame? I mean love!

They had reason to worry. Ambre turned out to be 37 but had LIED TO BRET and said she was 31! Destiney couldn't wholeheartedly say she was in love with Bret! Daisy, apparently, didn't have anything to worry about except being the least attractive. Oh wait, that's to me. So that didn't matter.

Bret approached the girls and told them how hard this decision would be, yada yada. He asked if there was anything they would like to say. (Oh, this isn't scripted or anything, NO.) Skank Daisy completely ratted out Destiney and said that when they asked her if she was in love with Bret, she said no, and Skanksy further alleged that if it was anyone else's show, Destiney would be there anyway. Only she made her tattle-tale argument much less coherently. (To give her a break, I'm sure it's hard to think with all that silicone and collagen or Restylane and whatnot surging through your body (or sitting there very stiffly and yet naturally and attractively) and false eyelashes and possibly sequins weighing your eyelids down.)

Bret looked at Destiney as if he was very disappointed in her. "But Dad!" she said. "I mean Bret! I care for you very deeply, I just can't say I'm in love with you yet. I'm not like..." Well, she sort of implied disdain for the other two, I think, but maybe I'm giving her too much credit. Bret "deliberated" and then called Destiney down. She knew what her fate was, Destiney did, and she took it very well. Bret hugged her and told her how much her father had meant to him and that he was sorry, whatever, and he walked her out and cried. He came back in, wiping his eyes in a very manly way, and told the other two -- who are, of course, deeply in love with him, and crying like idiots -- that he wasn't a crier (this may have been one of the only honest things anyone said in the whole show), blah blah, and that they needed to pack their bags for CANCUN!! Whoo!

(Ed. note- With the amount of money he ought to have and how popular this show is, I'd be expecting Cabo at least, but whateves. Cancun it is!)

I'm going to go out on a limb here and predict that he will choose the stripper over Oldy McLiar. (If Rock of Love 2 is already over and everyone already knows which one he chose, SORRY. I have no idea when RoL airs! You know how shows are on all the time nowadays, it's tricky.)

Oh yeah, and I think BM (heh) has a lot of nerve kicking off Destiney ostensibly because she wasn't in love with him. When he was on Ellen (yes, I saw a clip), she asked if he fell in love or not, and he said he'll fall in love when the ratings tank. He tried to play it off like he was just kidding, but please. I hope no one believes these reality shows about love are about anything other than being on TV and making money.

And Bret, no one is fooled by the bandanas and hats or the pictures of you with the long flowing locks. We know we'll see you on Hair Club for Men commercials when Rock of Love FINALLY PLEASE GOD SOON dies its inevitable trashy, sweaty, and slightly sticky death.

(We are also not fooled by the Rock of Love in your pants, Mr. Stuffy McSock.)

On a side note, has anyone else noticed how much ole Stuffy looks like the love child of Michael Keaton and Yoda these days? (It's more obvious on the show. Look and you'll see it.)



No comments: